Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
not ubering you a puppy
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