she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
