Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
