My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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