We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Everyone says I win the strip club
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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