he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
