I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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