3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
