I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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