ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
