Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think my vagina is haunted
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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