why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
