Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
