First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
