Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
