Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize