guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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