the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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