Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
