my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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