sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
