You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Randomize
