none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
