is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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