sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
