I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
