i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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