definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
God I need to hump something, right now.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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