pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize