I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize