I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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