thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
