So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
