I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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