I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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