The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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