If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
