Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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