I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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