Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
