My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
