You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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