I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
