my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
