I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I met the friendliest cop last night
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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