It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
