I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize