I will die if light touches me.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
