my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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