saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
