My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
