I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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