piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
