Sponge bath it is.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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