I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
