Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize