He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize