my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
