Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
