it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
