I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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