Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
