i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
