sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
