We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
