why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize