My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
