Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
